Welcome to our collection of “Michael Scott Quotes”, where we dive into the hilarious and memorable lines from one of TV’s most iconic bosses. Michael Scott, the lovable and often clueless manager from *The Office*, has given us countless moments of laughter and wisdom. Whether he’s declaring bankruptcy or trying to be a great friend, his quotes are always unforgettable. Join us as we explore the best of Michael Scott’s wit and wisdom.
- “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
- “An office is not for dying. An office is a place for living life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.”
- “I declare bankruptcy.”
- “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
- “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”
- “I’m running away from my responsibilities, and it feels good.”
- “I am a friend first, a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.”
- “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”
- “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say, but yes.”
- “I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”
- “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all, and it’s terrible.”
- “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.”
- “I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
- “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”
- “I don’t need to be liked. I need to be feared. Loved. Feared.”
- “Dwight, you ignorant slut.”
- “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”
- “Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering.”
- “I’m not going to say I told you so… I told you so.”
- “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked.”
- “It’s happening. Everybody stay calm.”
- “I have cause. It is because I hate him.”
- “I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.”
- “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
- “I don’t know what I’m yelling about.”
- “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”
- “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.”
- “I’m not a bad guy. I’m a good guy who runs over women with his car.”
- “You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person.”
- “That’s what she said.”
- “I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”
- “You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”
- “I love my employees, even though I hit one of you with my car.”
- “I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.”
- “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.”
- “I. Am. Dead. Inside.”
- “I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
- “There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s a joke.”
- “I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish, sort of a virtual United Nations.”
- “I say dance, they say how high.”
- “This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here.”
- “It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”
- “I am not to be truffled with.”
- “This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.”
- “I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma.”
- “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”
- “My mind is going a mile an hour.”
- “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.”
- “I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I’m talking about.”
- “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
- “I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all their shapes. Short, tall, thin, wide.”
- “I’m just trying to be more optimistic. I’ve decided to only see the good things in life.”
- “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me.”
- “I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair?”
- “I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along.”
- “You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice… strike three.”
- “I am running away from my responsibilities, and it feels good.”
- “Business is a doggie dog world.”
- “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”
- “I understand nothing.”
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both.”
- “There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.”
- “I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry.”
- “It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don’t expect everybody to understand.”
- “I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”
- “Well, well, well, how the turntables.”
- “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes.”
- “I am Beyoncé, always.”
- “I think the world would be better if people were more like me.”
- “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
- “I don’t need to be liked, I need to be respected.”
- “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I can’t say, but yes.”
- “I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.”
- “I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.”
- “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott”
- “Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family.”
- “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.
- “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl, so I’m wise and I have worms.”
- “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.”
- “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”
- “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah, of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.
- “I am going to make this way harder than it needs to be.”
- “If I had to choose between a one-night stand with Jessica Alba or seeing this kid grow up well-adjusted, I would choose the kid, but only because I’ve already done the other thing.”
- “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.”
- “When I discovered YouTube, I didn’t work for five days.”
- “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”
- “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.”
- “I am the king of forwards. It’s how I like to do business.”
- “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.”
- “I am a man of my word. And that word is ‘unpredictable.'”
- “I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than for somebody else in this office besides myself.”
- “You cheated on me when I specifically asked you not to?”
- “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”
- “About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.”
- “I am the best boss. I go out of my way to make sure my employees are happy.”
- “I don’t understand why people are afraid of new ideas. I’m afraid of old ones.”
- “People say I am the best boss. They go, ‘God we’ve never worked in a place like this before. You’re hilarious.’”
- “This is not a party. It’s a meeting with cake and presents.”
- “I am fast. To give you a reference point, I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther.”
- “I don’t understand the reasoning behind the ‘no pets at work’ policy. They should be allowed. Like, what if we had an office snake?”
- “The people that you work with are just… when you get down to it… your very best friends.”
- “I don’t see what’s wrong with having a little fun at work.”
- “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.”
- “The worst part about being a boss is that you have to keep pretending you care.”
- “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s a joke.”
- “I am on a date with a very nice girl who is my assistant and who is sleeping with my friend, Jim.”
- “Sometimes the clothes at the Gap Kids are just too flashy. So I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.”
- “I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the ’60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain… and it’s possible a man slipped in. There’d be no way of knowing.”
- “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.”
- “I love the people I work with. And by love, I mean I love them. I think they’re wonderful.”
- “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”
- “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
- “I want you to rub butter on my foot… just don’t tell Pam.”
- “You all took a life here today. The life of the party.”
- “I love people. I love all kinds of people. And that’s why I love festivals.”
- “I learned a while back, that if I don’t text 911, people don’t return my calls.”
- “If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you.”
- “I’ve always been a big believer in that old adage: ‘Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, but teach a man to fish, and he’ll eat for a lifetime.’ Or is it ‘Give a man a fish, and he’ll want more fish?’”
- “I am always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.”
- “I say dance, they say ‘How high?’”
- “I’m like a magician. When I’m working on a trick, I get so excited I almost can’t talk.”
- “I have to spend money to make money. That’s why I’ve been buying a lot of stuff on eBay.”
- “I don’t have a lot of friends. I have a few very close friends.”
- “I can’t tell if this is a bad idea or a good idea, but it’s definitely an idea.”
- “The most important thing in business is honesty, integrity, hard work… and having a great sense of humor.”
- “I have no idea what’s going on.”
- “You know what would make me feel better? A hug from a loved one. But I don’t have one of those.”
- “My life is like a movie, except it’s not as good as a movie.”
- “I feel like I’m in a movie about a guy who works at a paper company and does wacky things.”
- “I don’t understand why people don’t just say what they mean.”
- “I am like a wolf. A lone wolf. Except I’m not alone.”
- “I want to do something big. I want to leave a mark on this world.”
- “I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to have a family.”
- “I don’t want to be a hero. I just want to be a good person.”
- “If you don’t try, you’ll never know what you’re capable of.”
- “I’m a very good boss. I give my employees everything they need to succeed.”
- “I’m always right. Even when I’m wrong, I’m right.”
- “I’m like a fine wine. I get better with age.”
- “I’m a very deep thinker. Sometimes I think too deep.”
- “I believe in the power of positive thinking.”
- “I want to be the best at everything I do.”
- “I’m not a great boss, but I’m a great friend.”
- “I’m not perfect, but I’m always trying to be better.”
- “I have a lot of ideas. Some of them are good, some of them are bad.”
- “I think everyone should be themselves, no matter what.”
- “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.”
- “I’m always looking for new ways to improve myself.”
- “I’m not a great manager, but I’m a great leader.”
- “I want to be married to a woman who’s a great cook, has a sense of humor, and isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m wrong.”
- “I’m not a hero. I’m a guy who’s just trying to do the right thing.”
- “I think I’m a good boss. I’m just not very good at being a boss.”
- “I’m a very good person. I just make mistakes sometimes.”
- “I want people to remember me as a great boss, a great friend, and a great person.”
- “I am not good with feelings. I try to avoid them as much as possible.”
- “I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m just saying I’m pretty close.”
- “I’m very good at making people feel special.”
- “I’m not a great speaker, but I’m a great listener.”
- “I am a big fan of the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach.”
- “I’m not a great cook, but I’m a great eater.”
- “I’m always looking for new ways to improve my life.”
- “I don’t always know what I’m doing, but I’m always doing something.”
- “I’m not a great problem solver, but I’m a great problem creator.”
- “I’m very good at pretending I know what I’m doing.”
- “I’m a big believer in the power of positive thinking.”
- “I’m not a great planner, but I’m a great improvisor.”
- “I’m very good at making things up as I go along.”
- “I’m not a great negotiator, but I’m a great talker.”
- “I’m very good at making people laugh, even when they don’t want to.”
- “I’m not a great listener, but I’m a great talker.”
- “I’m very good at turning a bad situation into a good one.”
- “I’m not a great chef, but I’m a great eater.”
- “I’m very good at making people feel comfortable.”
- “I’m not a great decision-maker, but I’m a great decision-maker’s assistant.”
- “I’m very good at making people feel like they’re part of something special.”
- “I’m not a great dancer, but I’m a great dancer’s partner.”
- “I’m very good at making people feel like they’re the most important person in the room.”
- “I’m not a great athlete, but I’m a great spectator.”
- “I’m very good at making people feel like they’re the star of the show.”
Conclusion:
In this roundup of “Michael Scott Quotes”, we’ve highlighted some of the funniest and most memorable moments from the beloved character. His unique blend of humor and heart has made him a standout figure in television history. We hope these quotes brought a smile to your face and a laugh to your day. Michael Scott’s words remind us that even in the workplace, there’s always room for a little humor and a lot of heart.
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